The good wife.

Oh yes, a beautiful wedding.  And as I listened to my pastor speak and to my friends say their vows love was in the air...

I am a great wife.  I know this.  Otherwise, BOTH of my exes and an ex fiancee wouldn't want me back.  You would think that would be a good thing but ahhhhh....not so much.  Well, I am about to add another into the pile of  relationship rubble if current hubby doesn't ... ahem...'straighten up'.  I simply refuse to 'worship' my man if I don't get treated respectfully back.  And no, bible thumpers, that's not asking too much.

No people, I am not a bitch.  Just at my breaking point.  Five years later.  It is no longer cute when I 'get' to pick up after him.  It is no longer sweet when he brings me roses from the yard and I have to pick up the trail from the kitchen (cuz I am ALWAYS in there) to the front door.  I no longer adore the way he brushes his teeth or leaves hair all in the bathroom sink.  These things all friggin' annoy me.  They seem to annoy me more so when he and I are in a heated discussion about the kids.  Every little effin thing he does that irritates the crap outta me comes out right in that moment. I get that vain thing in my temple.   They all spin in my head like a tornado.  As a bonus the whole time we are arguing I am also contemplating whether to do the dishes or laundry first which reminds me of why in the hell should I have to do all those solely?  And Jake please stop tuggin' on my friggin' arm so I can recall the horrible thing I was going to fuss at your stepfather about instead of fussing you out.  TH-THUMP TH-THUMP TH-THUMP... calm down - hearts are NOT supposed to be in throats.  Regain composure.  Now, about that laundry..."You are impossible."  I holler.  "I am NOT doing this right now."  "Really?  Would tomorrow at 2 be better?   Can I call ya then?"  I am awful sometimes.  But awful within reason.  He always walks away when he knows I am right and has no argument.  That being said he has admitted a few times here and there that he should've listened to me because I was right.  Why in the world is being right so important?

It's not.

Marriage shouldn't be about being right or wrong.  It should be about a mutual respect for each other and walking a straight path toward and in love together.  It should be about whatever is important to both of you and letting those things soar into forever.  It should be filled with happy and smiles.  It shouldn't be filled with blame and anger.  Nor should it be filled with hate.  And sometimes I think that is where mine has gotten to.  Hate.  It has nothing to do with he and I alone.  It has everything to do with the kids.  None excluded.  So much anxiety and anger built up over the years.  So many circumstances set aside and rearing their ugly heads now.  So many unfinished thoughts...so many times of angst that show up later.  We also have the problem that we are strong willed, each of us.  How in the hell do we let go and let the other control?  If I go by the bible I suppose I am supposed to obey.  Chuckle Chuckle.  Me, obey?  Are you serious? I don't believe that is in my genes. 
 He hates it when I pull the favoritism card, yet in the same breath he can't ever deny it.  Our problem is not our marriage.  Our problem is a power struggle.  Over kids who will one day be able to make the call - "Yes" or "No" when the makeshift Doctor at the nursing home asks..."Do you want to keep them hooked up?"  The thing with blended families is, if you don't blend them they don't work. And oh boy we have sucked at it.

Ugh.  I need a good dose of Maine people, yessah by golly I do believe so!  I mean, Jesum Crow.

Emma had strep throat and Anthem Healthkeepers was a huge pain in the ass about it.  They'll know my stand on Tuesday. And by the way, I'll be right.