I can't stand his favoritism.  I can't understand it either.  Does this kid have something on him?  Why treat him so differently than all the others? 

Okay, I feel a tad better after typing that.  I suppose it is better than running outside with my apron on, rolling pin in hand screaming at him.  <like I wanna do> We'd make a fabulously entertaining reality show.  Times like these make me wish I had said "I do NOT"  instead of "I do".   I wonder how the preacher would've reacted?  Always it seems to be when one thing sets me off I think of every other little damn thing he has done to make my blood pressure soar and I go into eff you mode, aka shutdown. 

Blended families are difficult.

I don't think I can say it enough.  At first, it's all wine and roses (literally) and then everyone starts to get kinda sorta comfy in this new living situation and BAM.  I'll never ever forget the time when my then 9 y/o stepson (Alan & I weren't married too long) (and this is the one that hates me) well, I had gone to their mom's to pick all 3 of them up.  9 y/o was asking a question..."Angela -slash- Mom..."   We ALL laughed.  "Yes, Patrick - slash- son?"  And it was said just as you are reading.  I think Patrick didn't know what to call me.  Bitch likely would've been his preference.   I think it was at that moment it hit me. I got more on my plate than I can handle.  And oh boy, I had no idea.
 Years later the kid makes it clear that he hates me.  The days ofAngela-slash-mom are gone.  Well the outspoken version anyway.   None of them have a lick of respect for me and the only person I blame is the one who is currently outside angrily weed eating the places of the lawn the mower can't reach.  My dear husband. Ahhh, yes, that would be the one that I just watched throw a cooler across the deck because I had a high chair (for his grand kids) and some grocery store bags I was going to recycle at target - apparently -mistakenly on the deck.  GREAT reason to flip out.   What I would like to say (scream) right now is "Hey Sgt. Pecker head ~ take your attitude elsewhere."  Somehow I refrain.  I am so getting better at holding my tongue.  I hear Emma in the background "hey Jacob, if you want your nose to stop being red just put your Popsicle on it for about 39 times."  Whatever in the hell that means it made me smile. 

Sometimes just to know my children exist is all it takes to make me smile.  Other times, however it makes me frown... When I think about how much worse we could have it I am thankful.  I really mean that.   I understand that I should just appreciate what we do have and not take any breath for granted.  Life is more so precious than it is challenging.  Some days that is so hard to remember.  And some days if I could drill that into his head I would.  Really?   You want to have a fit about some bags and a high chair when I have a niece with a bad heart and brother in law waiting on lungs from a donor?  And by the way, that brother-in-law has 2 young kiddos and needs massive prayers.  Get over yourself, dear husband.  Get over how the yard 'looks' to people.  I mean Jesum Crow we have the nicest yard on Battlefield Blvd.  We win.  Isn't it enough that we win in my eyes?   You can fix anything and I admire you more than I have ever admired anyone...can't that be enough?  I guess it's not.  So we continue...