Hottie Patottie??? Not so much...

We made it happen.  It was a group effort.  My second to oldest stepdaughter's 30th surprise party was a smashing success.  I apparently, however, had to relive the fact that I am over 30.  It was harder on me than it was on her.  She could have cared less that she was turning 30.  Me on the other hand - I had meltdown number 576 that I am 30.  Well, 30 with 7 years experience.  Good God, in my head I am still 25 and 90% of the time I act it.  I see other women my age and think...boy when I am as old as them I hope I have my act together like they do...minus the wrinkles. 

I guess I have taken the whole 'I don't wanna grow up i'ma toys-r-us kid' a bit too far.  Sometimes I think it is because my life didn't go as planned so I want a re-do and until I get it I will act the age I was when I really screwed up.  Well, got off course anyway.   Other times, when I speak with my friends from Maine, where I was raised, I think nah, I am right in line with them.  My hubbalicious (oddly enough I like him this week)  told me that I need to learn how to grow old gracefully.   WHAT?  Oh yes, the wrath of Ang came out when he said that.  "Heller dumb ass... have you met me?"  "Know this...I will fight it every inch (and wrinkle) of the way!"  At that point he mumbled something and went outside.  I admire many things about my husband.  His ability to not give a flying eff about anything is one of them.

So I guess planning a 30th b-day reminded me that I am pushing 40 and well things just aren't the quite the same.  It is so unfair that I still have teenage acne.  What the heck is that about?  I mean 7 years as a teen with it wasn't enough?  I have always struggled with it.  Thankfully, I became familiar with Arbonne and now have it under control.  The hormonal issues I have don't help but that can be a blog for the Vag chronicles.  UGH.
 Marines.
Ohhhhh those jarheads.  I have dealt with one before.  I reserved a VIP room at a club in Virginia Beach for before mentioned party.  About a week before party I see on their facebook status they are having a bikini contest that same night ~ right when we were due to arrive with the birthday girl.  Of course, my first thought was - I better not enter and make those younger girls feel bad about themselves.  Lovely.  Just what I would want on my b-day - a bunch of tight, hot Chic's in bikini's.  Well, by the time the contest started and they were up on stage, I was, of course their biggest fan.  I am guessing the wine and the Captain had something to do with that.  There was one in particular that I thought deserved the win - she was the only one who looked like she actually took care of herself not just vomited and smoked cigarettes to keep the weight at bay.  The pickin's were slim...no pun intended.  Anyway...when they announced to cheer for her I woot wooted and hoop hoooped and hollered.  I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I could tell by the haircut he was a Marine.  Probably about 23.  He said "Oh, is that your daughter?" ..... O....M.....F.....G.....  stopped me in my inebriated tracks.  What the eff?  Was he talking to me?  He was short in stature.  Clearly he doesn't know about the Kalogeris Elbow.   "EXCUSE ME?"  I said, he continued,  "that must be your daughter."  "NO."  That's my daughter."  and I pointed to Jenn, the 30 y/o b-day girl.  I even did the head shake point to chest thing with it.  Now if I had to guess I would say the girl on stage was 21 or 22 so technically....I suppose I could have been the one she calls 'mama'.  It cut deep. 
That was all it took.  Meltdown.  "I have 9 grandchildren and 3 of them are older than mine..."  I wept to Alan.  He could've cared less.  That is how I see it anyway.  Really I think what it is, is that he just doesn't care about what others think and is happy with me.  "I used to be the one guys were all over...I used to be the one they would check out and now I am the............old lady mom?"  "I'm the bikini ladies mmmmuuuuttthhherrrrrr?"  Tears ran down my cheeks.  Poor man had to hear the whole way home about how great I used to be and how much I now suck.  I am guessing it didn't do too much for his ego.  Apparently, I wanted his to match mine.

Earlier on in the eve, I had a polar opposite moment when I walked by a table kinda groovin' to the music and 2 younger Marines stopped me.  Again, I can tell by the haircut.  We were chattin' and I thanked them for their service.  They looked shocked.  That is sad, I thought to myself.  No one thanks them.  They were really cool and grateful that I commended them on their daily lives.    When I told them why I was there they again looked shocked.  "No way you have a stepdaughter that is 30."   I love these 2. 

The polka band that was playing in my head Sunday morning didn't bother me as much as the fact that some young guy thinks I am old.  I was depressed all day.  Didn't do a damn thing.  I didn't even go to church.  I laid my old, fat ass on the couch all day.  Then at some point I talked myself into the fact that she was so hot the only person who could be her mom was a hottie like me.  Yeah, that's the ticket.
God is great, my kids love me (most of them most of the time) and what the heck..I ain't half bad for a 37 year old dame.