364 days till 40

What a lovely start to the first day of my 39^th year. Alan was leaving early to go to a conference near the B&B so we were the only ones downstairs for breakfast and sat at a table with a candle burning while enjoying our morning coffee – a candlelit breakfast.  He left and I returned to our room, determined to write for two hours.  That is exactly what I did and it felt great.  It’s funny, sometimes when I am writing I get so pulled into the emotion I felt at the time of the trip that I want to punch Alan in the head.  He doesn’t seem to see the humor in that. I have never taken a writing class but would assume that is what you learn, to put your mindset as if you were still there and allow the emotions to erupt and fly through the fingertips onto the keyboard.  Writing and hiking are two of my favorite things and I get to do both today.  I don’t need cake (seriously, looking at my muffin top I don’t), balloons or gifts.  My gift is me time and my gratitude is immense for it.  I feel as though when I do get a break from my darling children I am a better mom for it.  They too enjoy the break from me, I suppose.  It’s easy when you are away from your daily reality to decide how to improve things.  The problem usually is, well for me anyway, that not everyone in the house understands that I rule.  Simple things could make our house so much happier.  If people would just listen to me…maybe it’s not even so much about the listening as it is about respect.   That seems to be missing from our house.

When I turned 30 it was quite difficult for me.  I was one of ‘those’ people who cried and had a very hard time accepting that I would no longer be in my 20’s.  More so than the actual age, I think what upset me the most was where I was at in life.  I expected that by 30 I would have my shit together and be in full swing of the good life.  Not on my 2^nd divorce.  Less financially stable than 10 years earlier and dazed and confused about what to do with life. 

Now that I am 364 days away from 40 I am welcoming it and grateful for each day.  I have gray hair and that’s ok.  That’s what the hair salon is for.  I have wrinkles and that’s ok.  That is what Arbonne is for.  I am comfortable in my own skin and know where I am going.  If just 10 years ago I knew what I do now about life and how to be successful I would be a millionaire already.

  

I am going to make great things happen this year.  All because I decided I will.  Yes folks, it’s that simple.

Now, it is 11:58 a.m. and my birthday.  Where the hell is the wine?!  

Greek Pizza anyone?

Let's cook, shall we?  Here is a 3 part video clip from yours truly on how to make my fabulous Greek pizza.  Please enjoy, oh and you may want to grab a drink to watch.  I couldn't condense it into 7 minutes like I wanted to.

Part 2

Part 3...yes the final one.

So... if you try it let me know!  Don't forget the wine, it's an important part ;)

Are you considering a blended family?

Just a little something I thought of and decided it was most important to get out there.  Like STAT.

This whole blended family thing ain't as easy as I make it look... (ha ha)

If you are considering marrying someone with children, whether or not you have them as well, don't just think short term.  Consider long term - 2, 5 even 7 years down the road. How old will their kids be and can you handle that?  Is the love you have now going to continue to burst out or will it get lost in the daily shuffle of your life?  There are  a lot of emotions you go through that you wouldn't even think would erupt.  Like, for example, am I taking away from my kids because I have to buy for his?  Don't frown on me, he has thoughts like that too.  It's only normal.  That's just one of many.  

A moment of juvenescence.

Yesterday my mom had the pink shag carpet from my childhood bedroom removed.

I admit, that stung. Not in a riled up sort of way but more like a quick pull of a band aid.  Plus, how am I going to make fun of it every visit if it isn't there?

 It is being replaced with some flooring that I missed the details on (sorry, mom) because immediately my mind went to a place of nostalgia and I pictured myself sitting on that pink shag listening to Cindi Lauper on my record player. I can't believe she is getting rid of that carpet.  The woman in me wants to say "good for you Elizabeth! I am so glad you can finally do the things with the house that you have wanted to for so long."  The selfish kid in me however had this to say (while stomping foot loudly and pointing) "NO!  That's my room and you can't do what you want with it."


I asked her if she would please go outside before they took the carpet away and cut pieces of it to make scatter rugs for the new floor... that was kind of said in jest, kind of truth.  Although I do always say that there is always truth in jest.

She's having it painted too.  Okay, sting now more like a band aid being pulled off tiny bits at a time.  I am sixteen, no wait maybe fifteen.  I am arriving home from my dads after my summer vacation down in Massachusetts.  I open my bedroom door expecting to find my room exactly the way I left it.  Instead I open it to blue and tie die.  "WHAT is this?"  "Happy Birthday!  Do you like it?"  I needed a moment to let it sink in.  I liked the tie die sheet that hung over the lite fixture on the ceiling.  But the walls...what is this stripe thing?  Okay had moment, still hasn't sunk in.  I'll pretend I like it for now and decide later if I really do.  Yes, eventually I decided I loved it.  It seems like all that happened just yesterday.  Clocks really should have wings as time does fly.


I really am happy for her.  It took a long time, but she is able to do the house the way she wants now.  When I say long time I mean like my twenty year High School reunion was last summer if that helps put it into perspective.

Because I analyze everything to death I started pulling this apart and thinking about my childhood and how it has affected my adulthood and what am I doing to my kids now and where is this country going to be if the lazy ass young adults who are too busy gaming and texting and having everything handed to them don't realize that life is not in fact handed to you?  That in the real world not everybody gets a trophy just for showing up.  And no, the effin dishes do not put themselves in the dishwasher.  How many times can that be repeated?  Every flippin' day, that's how many.  I just see so many slackers.  Common sense seems to be overruled by ignorance with this generation.  I fear for this country.  Yup, all this from pink shag carpet.  Amazing how the ADD mind works.

Squirrel.

Letting go via vlog.

Lucky you, no reading today...just listening to my angelic voice.  And brilliant words of wisdom...

I hate it when you do a video and the still frame catches you in a reject position/expression - much like the one above.  Oh well, I think I'll just let it go!

Glamping in the mountains...

No meltdowns yet and it's already day four.  What a difference from our previous trips...

I was trying to put this on my Adventures in a Bluebird page on fb but can't figure out how to write a 'note' on it.  Perhaps they no longer have that option?  Anyway I decided to just stick it on my blog because I know people want to know every move I am making.

Stop with the chuckle, I am not that vain...

Departure/Arrival and day two brought us this:

Okay, I’ll admit I felt like a bit of a celebrity and that made me happy.  On our way to the campground we stopped at a Rest area just outside of Richmond.  I am used to people admiring Rare Metal and taking pic’s of her.  If I happen to “accidentally” be in them so be it and yes, it is sheer coincidence that my tummy is in and shoulders back.  AKA boobs out.

 

Today was a little different though and I immediately began to catch a taste of what Hollywood must feel like for real with the paparazzi following.   There seemed to be about two hundred of them and they were all men.  Darker complexions.  They were hopping out of tour buses and were taking pic’s of Rare Metal in complete awe of her.  ‘Wait till they see me’ I thought to myself…  Seriously, we couldn’t even park because they were surrounding her and wouldn’t move as they snapped their shots.  Finally Alan was able to maneuver her into a spot and the kids and I got out.  Sure, I could have used the toilet in her but where is the fun in that?  How would I be able to talk to them?

Not at all is how I could talk to them as they didn’t speak English.  Now, for some reason I, who am loud anyway, feel the need to holler when I am trying to talk to a foreigner.  So I yell (slowly, while using hand gestures) “Do… you… want… me… to… take… a… picture… of… your… group… with… the… Rv?”  For gosh sakes Angela, they are from another country not freakin' deaf.  Blank stares.  I tried again.  Pointing to the camera I made him understand.  He gladly accepted and some of them lined up.  Jake got in the picture with them.   The kids and I proceeded into the Rv and I made sandwiches for lunch.  Deviled Ham…we only eat it when we are on the road and I am pretty sure our bodies thank us for that.  They were still surrounding the bus taking pic’s.  I was trying to figure out if they were Albanian, Italian or something else.  I couldn't help but think to myself that Rare Metal and I better get used to this, as this is what it will be like on my book tour.  Hey, if you don't believe in yourself and have a vision...it'll never happen.

 Though unusual for us, the rest of the trip went smoothly.  Alan’s oldest daughter and her two children are coming to stay for a few days.  They will bring a tent and stay on our site.  Yes, that does make me a …ahem… grandmother, a "Grangie" to be exact.  Her oldest, Brittany, is older than my two.  Weird family we are.  "Jake give that to your sister who is seven years younger than your mom."  If you can't laugh at yourself...

  

Alan and Crystal went to the store while I took all four kids up to the pool.  He came back with no shortage of nitrates.  Lots of kielbasa and sausage cause it was on sale for $1.25.  “Oh, you got the good stuff” I said with a hint of sarcasm.  Blech.  Day one led us to Grottoes, Va.  Where the Grand Caverns are.  Oh my gosh they were cool.  Like, literally 54 degrees but also awesome to look at and experience.  We took a little hike on a trail there.  Started out straight up and didn’t stop.  Holy frig my legs and ass.  Ummm what the hell is this?  Downpour.  Where the hell did it come from?  I'll bet some of you reading this just said to yourself "the sky."  I did when I asked it.    I mean we were soaked immediately and there was no escaping it.  I could’ve gotten pissy but decided to embrace the rain though I was cold!  We reached the top and turned around.  The rain lasted about 10 minutes.  The sun came back through the trees and felt great.  Thank you Lord!  We were dripping from every inch but didn’t want to go back to the campground and we did dry pretty quickly.  Luckily for us gals Crystal had a few extra t-shirts in her car.  Not so good was that our bras got wet too so it looked like we were lactating for a while. 

Next we found a boat landing on the Shenandoah River and I let Alan take Crystal and her kids on a canoe trip.  I use the term let because I suggested they all go because we would have plenty of time and they were leaving the next day and I wanted her kids to have a canoe trip.  The kids and I met them at a landing about six miles up river.  BLT’s for supper.  Yummy.

We love to hike!

Preacher Perry here....

Okay, if you know me you know I am a stumbling trying as best I can Christian.  I have been through so much stuff - some circumstance and some self induced - that when I was 25 my mom would constantly tell me that I had been through more than most 45 y/o's she knew.  I saw that as an advantage.  But really, I didn't display at the time that I was learning lessons.
Today I choose to write about me.  It isn't a post about trials of a blended family.  It is a story that I would like to share.  I felt someone, weather or not I personally know them needs to read it.  God is good like that, so I will give him the glory for this one.
About umpteen years ago I rented a basement apartment in Cleveland, Ga.  Yes, that is the home of the Cabbage Patch Kids.  Anyway, I kind of accidentally happened upon this place and really liked the lady ( Dana) who would be my landlord and lived above me with her lovely family, a husband and 2 young kids.  She was a realtor in town and was always smiling.  I was kind of  definitely drinking alcohol of whatever sort way too much.  I didn't drink to a level that it interfered completely with my bills and responsibilities, but I could have spent happy hour being way more productive than making my presence known at Southside Bar and Grill. Many Saturday nights I would catch a ride home with, oh basically whoever chose to babysit me that night or was threatened by Nancy to get me home safely.  I would do the walk of shame/pride ( pride because I didn't drink and drive) up to Dana's the following morning and knew they would be getting ready to go to their Southern Baptist church in Helen.  "Hey...so my jeep got drunk last night and I was wondering if I could catch a ride to town to retrieve it."  Her answer never changed  "Sure, Angie as long as you sit through service with us."  "Joe (her hubby), Angie's jeep got drunk again."  UGH!   I was always amazed that when I heard her preacher, with that southern drawl spewing the words of Jesus,... it was meant for me. ' God, I am a Catholic for Christ's sakes...oops sorry took your name in vain.'  Let me try again. ' God I am a Catholic. I can't hear this funny accent telling me the devil is leading my life.'  This is what my hungover ass would think at the time.  I left out the eff words, on the blog, not in the actual "praying".  Yeah, some Catholic.

Dana saw something in me that I didn't.  She had a belief in God that I didn't ... well quite understand yet.  See, when I prayed he heard, I just fought him at every step.  At some point I was behind on my rent, drunk most of the time and down.  I went with a friend to La.  No, not Los Angeles but Louisiana.  Baton Rouge to gamble.  I mean who doesn't do that when they have negative ten dollars to their name?  My friend was an older, like grandfather older, gentleman whom I loved dearly.  No, it wasn't whatever you are thinking.  It was a friendship that time nor age could match. And we laughed a lot.
Upon my return and being sober for about 15 hours I knew I had to face things.

 Finally I am getting to the part of the story that is fulfilling.

 He pulled in the drive and let me out of the car.  I knew what I had to do and was so scared and mad at myself.  "Knock, knock, knock"  "Hey Angie!"  With that bright smile.  "C'mon in!"  I couldn't hold the waterfall back.  I had made a mess of my life.  For some reason, I always feel worse when people are nice to me when I feel like crap.  "Don't cry." She said with her perfectly polished red lipstick.  "Please, don't be nice to me."  I begged.  "I don't deserve it."  She just took my hand in a knowing manor and led me to a chair at her dining room table.
After I told her how horrible my life had come to be and how awful I felt about myself she told me a story that she had heard from one of the elders at church but didn't really listen to the whole story so decided to take bits from it that spoke to her.  She has no idea of the magnificence of the effect on me of this simple story.  Basically, it was one day a couple was out driving and there was a red bird.  She actually said more in the story than that, but like her, I chose to hear what I needed to.  She said for her it boiled down to she would symbolize the red bird with Jesus and he would be there with her watching over.  So what I took from her shortened version of the story to make it my own is red bird = Jesus.  She continued to let me live there and I caught up on rent.  To this day my fave apartment is that one.  I even had my own huge deck.  What I didn't tell you is that before I even met her I had driven by the house with a friend, just riding around daydreaming, saw the house and told him boldly..."One day I will live there"  he said "yeah, right."  I didn't know where the feeling came from, but do now.

About 6 years ago I had my first red bird experience.  I had another today.  Sure, I have seen red birds in between these 2 times and thought of the story but none struck me as hard as 6 years ago and today.  I am wicked stressed about stuff I won't go into here, but it's a lot - walking into my dining room thinking to myself - facebook status "Go ahead Devil, keep up your crap.  I got God on my side."  Low and behold I look out the window and there is a beautiful Cardinal staring at me.  Yes God, I know you have my back.

So there it is and when you see a red bird I hope you know who is with you and watching you.

By the way, I now understand what she saw in me and it took me becoming someone better than I used to be to realize it.  She saw herself.