Me, me me...it's never about me...anymore.

It's not a surprise to me that I am missing my dad immensely right now.  I mean, I watch my children starve for attention of a male and I am, of course, in our current situation going through hell and just want my dad to look at me and tell me it's going to be okay.

But, since he's been 'gone' for 20 years he can't.  He likely wouldn't say "it's going to be okay" anyway.  He'd be more like "Have a drink and listen to Frank..."  Sinatra, I of course mean.



I do the best I can, but let's face it...I have boobs.  I am a girl and I think like one.  Really the only thing about me that remotely resembles the male species is the set of balls I have.

Huge.

There really isn't a male 'replacement'.  But, there is a mother's love and I suppose when necessary that can be quite close.  Or can it?  I don't know as I am still struggling with that answer.  Like, on our way to Walmart I told Jake he smelled funny...like outside dirty boy kinda funny.  P- eww.  Well, on the way home I noticed a different scent.  Apparently while I was picking out my toothbrush he indulged in the many scents of the Axe that adorned the shelf.  Oh.My.Gosh.  I think I like the dirt smell better.  And then there is the calendar that was sent to him by a co worker of mine, who after I mentioned it was the first thing Jake noticed when he walked into the 'office'... Oh boy, I just don't get the male version of life...  He sure is glad to have that calendar though.  Yes, it's what you are picturing. Blondes, boobs, the whole 9 yards. And no, I have no idea how to explain an erection to him.

Yay me.

So far single parenting has been okay.  We have had a lot of other ... ummm...distractions to keep my mind flowing in a different way.  I think it sucks, what I've been handed to deal with but I have been convinced from the start that I would be equipped to handle it, like a Mama should.  Thanks to some good friends, a plethora of prayer and wine I have done just that until now.

We have a court date coming up that I am not looking forward to.

Nope.  Not whatsoever.  Not at all.  Not even a tad.  And, to add insult to injury..I haven't heard back from the attorney on exactly what it is we have to look forward  not forward to.  I don't know what the process is.  Unfortunately this whole kerfuffle has been that way.

Wicked fuckin' pissah.  Wicked.

Ironically, Chesapeake doesn't suck as much as I used to think it does.   That is kinda interesting to me.  Even here at my age of 40...well, let's face it mentally I am 26 and totally act it,  I learn more and more...