I think the year I turned 26 I decided I would never 'get' any older than that. Sure my birthday comes around and I acknowledge it but that is the extent. I do not act my age nor do I have any desire to. Granted, shit hurts a tad more when I party like it's 1999.
Like, say when you go to your husband's work banquet and you are introduced to moonshine. Apple pie flavored to be exact. And apple is your favorite pie.
Bad news. Big mistake.
And for some reason, after already drinking too much of it (add a bottle of wine in there too) you feel the need to do 'shots' of it with a bunch of 20 somethings (most of who you could be their mommy dearest) sometime between oh I'd say midnight and 1 a.m. but that's just a guess.
Yes Angela, brilliant idea. Then the fake mustaches come out. Oh boy. I slightly recall doing a "mustache bit" but have no idea what it entailed. Nor do I want to know. I only hope I didn't bust out with one of my favorite Frank Sinatra songs and do the dance number to go with it. Shimmying shoulders and all.
Oh God, the dance floor. There is a reason that on Monday morning when I went upstairs to get the kids up (the par-tay was Sat. night) my thighs almost gave out. I suspect it has to do with the bump and grind. Alan asked me who the people videoing the dance floor were.
Fuck.
I have always loved dancing. My mom is a choreographer and it is in my blood. Unfortunately for me, when you have alcohol mixed in that blood it can be a lethal combination. Really though I bet I burned 5,000 calories. At least. Silver lining in everything.
Then, yesterday it came time to do the 'walk of shame' into the Crew. I was bringing Alan his lunch. Please Lord, let them all be out on calls. They weren't.
What have I learned? The next time someone puts a red solo cup in front of me I will take a polite sip only.
Yeah, right.
Oh, and ladies here is a tip you mustn't forget: Always wear matching (clean) panties and bra. And shave. For crying out loud shave. If the EMS crew has to cut your clothes off they will be much obliged. I hope you now obsess about this every morning as I do. Yes, I really, really, really like this Crew. They are real people. Most of them started out as volunteers and that says a lot about character to me. Giving of yourself and expecting nothing in return. Sure, a pat on the back now and then is welcome. Stick your left hand on your right shoulder and pat yourself. You deserve it. Volunteering for EMS and fire often goes unnoticed in the public eye. That is until you need them. Then they get the heroic recognition they deserve. If only for a moment. But they don't care because that's not why they do it.
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