Do you ever reflect on yourself and go "self, what were you thinkin'?!" I do. I do it often. I have made many bad, impulsive choices in my life.
Those days are gone. I think things through now and understand the consequences I will endure if I execute the plan that is brewing in my head. I use the word 'brewing' because, well don't all witches?
Here is a prime example: A dear friend is marrying her love this weekend up in Maine and I won't be there. It is really upsetting me. I know my darling husband won't give me any sympathy. He has lived in Chesapeake his whole life and has never had to face this personally so he just won't get it. Which reminds me, I hate it when you are going through something and people will say..."oh, I know how you feel." That ticks me off. YOU have NO IDEA how I feel, dumbass. You've never been in this situation. Though I appreciate the concern don't say what you think I need to hear. Just give me a friggin' hug and have a cocktail with me. Alan would never BS about it. He can't even pretend he cares. That's a quality in him I find refreshing. Oh yeah, back to my friend and her nuptials. Two nights ago I was online looking at plane tickets. Round trip it would've been under one paycheck but that was to Boston so then I would have to rent a car or be pathetic enough to a friend...also, I would have to find someone to watch my kids for three days and that is next to impossible. Talked myself out of hitting confirm. See, a few years ago I would've just bought the ticket and figured everything else out after - bringing huge stress into my life. So last night I was thinking - I'll just drive and bring Jake and Emma with me. I mean really, who wouldn't want to be in a vehicle for fifteen hours twice in three days with a seven y/o and an ADHD nine y/o? For a few moments I had myself convinced that it was a brilliant plan. Then I started thinking...bathroom stops, "I'm bored" "are we there yet?" "I'm hungry" "Jaaaaaaaaake don't touch me" "Emma give that back". Just as quick as the 'yes' decision was in my mind on hopping in the car and taking off - it left! My sanity is far more important than seeing a person who I love and admire marry the love of her life. Yup, those two, they got whatever that 'it' is that most only search for, coming up empty.
All if this proves something to me. The personal growth books I have been reading and the trainings I have had from having a business that is the dreaded...network marketing...didn't lie. The way I think is changing and it's getting better every single day. I have grown more in this last year than in the prior ten combined. I owe it all to Arbonne. My kids deserve the best person I can be and that is what they are going to get. They truly are my biggest fans for my business. They don't know fear, they just know mommy will have a white Mercedes one day.
See, learning really never does stop. Unless your a teenager cause they know everything.
Hiking on the Parkway...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Judging, love and roaring lions.
Is love really enough?
That question has been on my mind lately. We are taught "love can conquer all". But can it? In my life love has come and gone. Some loves have stayed with me stronger than others and some left as quickly as they came. Then you must ask...was it really love to begin with? Love is a delicate word with not so fragile outcomes and meanings. It shouldn't be tossed around. It should be considered thoroughly before being decided upon. I feel like it is often mistaken for other emotions and we think it is love. Well, that has been my personal experience anyway.
Okay, enough deep thought for this post. What the frig is wrong with people's driving skill or should I say lack of? I know a big part of the problem...cell phones. Nine times out of ten if someone is driving like a moron they are either texting or chatting it up behind the wheel. Sure, it's a great place to catch up but driving and multitasking don't go hand in hand. Driving and paying (pay attention...pahhlease) attention do. Hampton roads, you should try it.
Did you ever just finish cleaning the kitchen to a spotless review and five minutes later you walk in to see dishes in the sink and crumbs on the counter? It's called having children and it is friggin' annoying! It is equally annoying when you finish the laundry and five minutes later there is a hamper of dirty clothes staring at you in the laundry room. Also children.
Sometimes, when I am in the heat of an almost "they're gonna have to come take me away" moment there are so many thoughts swirling in my cluttered mind and all I can focus on is that I have gained a ahem...few pounds and my fat now hangs over my jeans. Ten pounds ago it didn't. Ten pounds ago I wasn't this stressed either. Everything seems exaggerated (including my ass). By this I mean there are so many underlying big issues that small ones creep up mid-argument and roar out of my mouth like an angry lion. I swear I can't help it. All these little things over the last five years come into my current thoughts and I get pissed off at them all over again. And I explode. Alan and I are two of the most stubborn people I have ever met. I am not sure who holds title to it but what a nasty competition.
Speaking of combo's...Jake's diagnosis finally came in, just today. One month I had to wait. A four diagnosis combo pack is what he has, written in blah blah blah Doctor terms. What I got out of it is this: Dear mom of Jacob, your road to raising Jacob will be long and hard. Sucks to be you. We did a bunch of testing which says he is very intelligent but a part of his brain won't allow him to focus long enough to give a flying eff about what is going on. He'll be onto the next thing that pops into his head and the next and the next. He will have random outbursts and emotional distresses that he can't control and neither can you. Negative consequences must be learned over time, cause he just ain't gonna get them now. His brain won't let him. Let's medicate him!
My response: (in my mind)
Dear Doc's,
Me and God? Yeah, we got this one covered.
Love,
Ang
I don't know how else to get through it but prayer and God. Well, the occasional glass of wine doesn't hurt, of course.
Do yourselves a favor and don't judge people. You never know what is going on in their world. Peace out.
That question has been on my mind lately. We are taught "love can conquer all". But can it? In my life love has come and gone. Some loves have stayed with me stronger than others and some left as quickly as they came. Then you must ask...was it really love to begin with? Love is a delicate word with not so fragile outcomes and meanings. It shouldn't be tossed around. It should be considered thoroughly before being decided upon. I feel like it is often mistaken for other emotions and we think it is love. Well, that has been my personal experience anyway.
Okay, enough deep thought for this post. What the frig is wrong with people's driving skill or should I say lack of? I know a big part of the problem...cell phones. Nine times out of ten if someone is driving like a moron they are either texting or chatting it up behind the wheel. Sure, it's a great place to catch up but driving and multitasking don't go hand in hand. Driving and paying (pay attention...pahhlease) attention do. Hampton roads, you should try it.
Did you ever just finish cleaning the kitchen to a spotless review and five minutes later you walk in to see dishes in the sink and crumbs on the counter? It's called having children and it is friggin' annoying! It is equally annoying when you finish the laundry and five minutes later there is a hamper of dirty clothes staring at you in the laundry room. Also children.
Sometimes, when I am in the heat of an almost "they're gonna have to come take me away" moment there are so many thoughts swirling in my cluttered mind and all I can focus on is that I have gained a ahem...few pounds and my fat now hangs over my jeans. Ten pounds ago it didn't. Ten pounds ago I wasn't this stressed either. Everything seems exaggerated (including my ass). By this I mean there are so many underlying big issues that small ones creep up mid-argument and roar out of my mouth like an angry lion. I swear I can't help it. All these little things over the last five years come into my current thoughts and I get pissed off at them all over again. And I explode. Alan and I are two of the most stubborn people I have ever met. I am not sure who holds title to it but what a nasty competition.
Speaking of combo's...Jake's diagnosis finally came in, just today. One month I had to wait. A four diagnosis combo pack is what he has, written in blah blah blah Doctor terms. What I got out of it is this: Dear mom of Jacob, your road to raising Jacob will be long and hard. Sucks to be you. We did a bunch of testing which says he is very intelligent but a part of his brain won't allow him to focus long enough to give a flying eff about what is going on. He'll be onto the next thing that pops into his head and the next and the next. He will have random outbursts and emotional distresses that he can't control and neither can you. Negative consequences must be learned over time, cause he just ain't gonna get them now. His brain won't let him. Let's medicate him!
My response: (in my mind)
Dear Doc's,
Me and God? Yeah, we got this one covered.
Love,
Ang
I don't know how else to get through it but prayer and God. Well, the occasional glass of wine doesn't hurt, of course.
Do yourselves a favor and don't judge people. You never know what is going on in their world. Peace out.
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